My Secret to Being Thin: PBH

GUARANTEED TO FILL YOU UP, AT LEAST UNTIL DINNER:

1. Take two (2) adjacent slices of Grandma Sycamore's white bread from the middle of a new loaf.  (The biggest pieces are in the middle and you avoid unwanted crusts or butt-ends with the middle pieces.)
2. Using a paper towel for a crumb-mat, stack the bread on-end, exactly as they were in the package and "open" them like a book - placing your thumbs between the slices from the top, keeping the bottom edges close together.  This alignment gives the best possible slice-perimeter consistency resulting in less dripping honey.
3. With a Cutco spatula-knife spread a thin and even layer of softened (not melted) real butter on the exposed side of the bread slices.  Make sure to cover all the surface, crust to crust.
4. Using the same spatula-knife, spread copious amounts of peanut butter on the left slice.  Yes, your left.  Make sure the peanut butter is also covered, spreading it evenly from crust to crust.  Ideally, you should have a consistent 1/4" of peanut butter without peaks and valleys.
5. With your spatula knife, cut a banana in half.  Peal both halves.  Before proceeding to the next step, eat one half of the banana.  While you are chewing, throw the peels away.
6. Using your spatula-knife, cut the remaining half of the banana into four ribbon strips, also approximately 1/4" thick.
7. Lay the banana strips as evenly as possible on top of the bed of peanut butter in either direction.  If the banana hangs over the edge, trim it with your spatula knife to fit the slice of bread.  Fill in gaps (if any significant area of the peanut butter bed is exposed) with cut off ends.  If your banana ribbons are insufficient to cover the peanut butter bed, you suck.  Repeat steps 5-7, beginning with an accurate bisection of the banana.
8. On the right-hand piece of bread write your initials in honey.  Don't try to use block letters, it's too hard and your letters won't look right, anyway - especially if you got the banana wrong on your first attempt.  Use cursive, and your best honey-dispenser penmanship.  For this step, leave a 1/2" margin of buttered bread.  Do not risk honey seepage but trying to get cute.
9. Using your spatula-knife, work the honey toward the edge (but not exactly to the edge) of the crust, leaving room for the honey to be compressed when the bread is pressed together.
10. With care, press the bread together.  Do NOT try to close the pieces like a book.  Rather, place the honey side precisely on top of the other slice: honey to banana.  Press lightly, but with enough strength to finish getting honey to the edges.
11. With your dominant hand, route your index finger completely around the "seam" of the sandwich, cleaning up any oozed material, just like finishing a caulking job.  You have done a good job if there is enough to lick off your finger. 
12. The litmus test: if your sandwich produces no ooze, you lose.  Be more aggressive next time, you pansy.  If your ooze is more glob, you're a slob - you're going to be wearing that sandwich for the rest of the day.